Volume 3, Number 3
March, 1998
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SPICEWORLD
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by Molly Degnan |
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Save your money, Girls, it's a short ride. In fact, don't just save
your money, squeeze every last dime out of your loyal fans.
And get ready, world, the Spice Girls have made a movie.
Spiceworld, the day-in-the-life-of-the-Spice Girls rockumentary, is
an obvious rip-off of the Beatles 1964 "Hard Days Night", the main
difference being the Beatles were actually talented. The Spice Girls
make a valiant effort to act in this film, which is pretty funny,
inasmuch as they couldn't portray the concept of falling if you
pushed them off a cliff.
But they do try, I have to give them credit for that. They work the
elusive "Girl Power" concept that is the basis of the Spice Girl
phenomenon, without ever really explaining what it is, beyond
developing a hopelessly shallow personality that can be summed up
in one word (Posh, Scary, etc). And while they do try hard, they
also seem detached from it all, enough that they cannot even
successfully lip synch their own songs. They have amateur, unfocused
speaking voices (especially Ginger Spice, the Wonder Woman lookalike
who sounds like Fran Drescher, only worse), which makes one wonder
if they actually sing their songs, or are the next Milli Vanilli
to hit the scene.
Spiceworld is a two hour insight into this overnight sensation. It
shows a totally fictional glimpse into the personal lives of the
Girls; we watch them coo over how cute and funny they are, we see
their van (painted like a Union Jack and driven by Meatloaf), their
clothes, their drug-smuggler shoes. Attention Spice Girl worshipping
teeny-boppers out there: Do NOT try to get through an airport wearing
those suckers.
If there was one redeeming quality of Spiceworld, it is the
supporting cast. Even though totally contrived, they still have more
depth than the Girls. Roger Moore is hilarious as their psycho manager,
and their dance teacher had the 12-year-old in front of me snorting
root beer out her nose. The Girls also have the ability to make fun
of themselves, so the film was not quite as self-serving as I was
expecting.
But ultimately, this is just an unfortunate attempt at the real
world. The screenplay even falls into the last resort of a live childbirth
scene, using one of their outside friends. Of course the Girls wouldn't
get pregnant; that would involve a relationship, which would require
an attention span.
So Spiceworld is just a silly film about a silly group of girls
who, while they clearly have not hit rock-bottom yet, are digging
away with their gold-plated shovels.